Finding Me

I'm reading a book entitled "The Millennium Matrix: Reclaiming the Past, Reframing the Future", by M. Rex Miller and it has really got me thinking about who I am and who God has created me to connect with.

There is a quote in his book by Michael Vance, former dean of Disney University, who quotes a nun he knew, that said, "The more you are like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique." I read that and said "duh". But the more I thought about it the more I realized that a vast majority of people, myself included, try to be like others. Now, the obligatory bow goes to the fact that I am trying to be more like Jesus. Nuff said. But the idea here is I need to stop asking what would Rick do? Or what would Bill do? What would Andy do? I need to ask what would Joe do? How does God want me to handle this by the way He uniquely created me?

Jesus wants me to be me. It's funny how easy it is to fall into the trap of listening to someone like Andy Stanley, Rick Warren, Bill Hybels, or Rob Bell and think "Man, I wish I could communicate and be like them." I wish I could grow a church like them or have their intellect and charisma. But the reality of my life is Jesus wants me to be me so He can use me to grow His church.

The other side of this story is the mold people try to fit me into. Christians typically have the ideal pastor in mind when thinking of how I should be ministering in the church. The funny part is their ideal pastor was the previous one they had at some other church which they left for whatever reason. That one usually makes me laugh, even more so, when they tell me they left because they didn't agree with the pastor. There's no winning that one.

I remember a time a member was explaining to me how the previous pastor did things and how he thought I should do things like that too. After explaining to this person that the previous pastor left this church in shambles and now we are seeing growth, I asked "Do you really want to go back to that?" So I extended my hand and said, "Hi, I'm Joe Gnatek. Nice to meet you." He got the point.

But I really am beginning to understand the pressure placed on me to perform like a pastoral pupit to fit peoples imaginations as to how I am to act. Nothing urks me more and makes me feel like a used rag to be thrown to the side when they are done with me. I'm not perfect. I have acted like the monkey sometimes to get the banana of approval. But I am slowly waking up to the fact that God created me to be me. Not a performing monkey.